4th XI Captains Report – Season 2005-06

1st September 2005 – Start season as new 4th XI skipper. Optimism high following last year’s promotion.

27th September 2005 – Following good warm up games, the 4th XI squad seem to be coming together nicely. Vice captain seems to be in good form and looking sharper than ever. He even talks about getting a new job.

28th September 2005 – Vice captain advises new job is in Oslo. Won’t be available on a Saturday, but may pop back now and again.

1st October 2005 – 3 points in the bag, 3 goals, and we haven’t even stepped on the pitch. Crusty Essex students fail to get out of bed. We are top of the league

8th October 2005 – Good start against East London proves to be for naught as they beat us with only ten men. Bugger. Blame Vice Captain. He may not be in the country, but it’s still his fault. We’re not top of the league anymore.

15th October 2005 – Braintree away. Boring drive to get bugger all. Optimism still high despite early season setbacks.

22nd October 2005 – Get our fourth point with Draw against Romford. Sadly any kind of celebration is cut short as we realise Keith Scott has scored and he isn’t letting us hear the end of it.

29th October 2005 – Havering suffer defeat at our hands as the two fattest men on the pitch score to give us the points. Fudge officially installed as team bitch following Chris Abrey’s resignation to go to university.

November 2005 – Good win against cheating scum from Redbridge is followed by last minute defeat to bottom club Old Southendians as aging centre back decides to pass to their centre forward…. Vice Captain decides to play. For the 3rd eleven. Win against Brentwood steadies the ship, and we’re not looking bad. Optimism good despite losing to Harlow.

December 2005 – Harwich. Bugger. Nuff Said.

January 2006 – Crusty Students fail to recover from hangover. Another 3-0 win. Starting to wonder if they actually exist. Loss to East London doesn’t help matters. Things look better as we beat Braintree 5-0 in a well organised display. Promotion may be on the cards. Sam Langston takes over team bitch responsibilities.

February 2006 – Extend good run by beating Romford 4-0 at their place (2nd XI take note). Sadly though we perform like prize chumps and scrape a draw with second bottom Havering. Bounce back to beat Redbridge again though. Players on all time high as Old Southendians get destroyed 10-0. Skipper blows own trumpet by getting 4. Rest of team barrack him for missing a flick. Promotion looking very possible. Vice captain finishes job in Oslo. Returns home. Then goes skiing. Could he not of done that while he was in Norway?

March 2006 – Make or break time for promotion chances. Not given any help as Tim Gingall beats us 4-3 despite us being 3-0 up. Feel gutted. Promotion still possible. Long trip to Harlow results in 2-2 draw. Promotion still mathematically possible. Harwich again. Same result. Better scoreline though. Promotion out of the window and running down the street. Colchester away last game of the season. Side implodes. John Hart retires from hockey altogether following the game. Vice captain may be to blame as he plays first league game for his side. Thanks Nick.

April 2006 – Post season friendly with Brentwood. New goal machine discovered as Spider finds the back of the net twice, collects man of the match and defender of the match award. Squad reshuffle imminent.

Overall we – Played 23; Won 9; Drew 5; Lost 9 - 58 Goals For and 57 Goals Against

Top Goalscorer was Paul Scott with 17 followed by Mr Pennell on 9, and the portable sightscreen that is Matt Tilbury on 7.

Despite the occasional bad results, appalling half time team talks and just missing out on promotion the season wasn’t bad. Next year faces new challenges as two Wapping sides are being promoted, but with the players we have, promotion is a distinct possibility. The younger players of the likes of Coleman, lazenby and both Harry and Tom Trusler are finding their feet and moving up on occasion, and there are more players in the fives knocking on the door. This coupled with the skill of the more mature players in the side and my fitness fatness will certainly give other teams pause for thought.

My thanks to all the players who gave up their time to play for the side this season, especially to Lowes who filled in when Haunton buggered off and to all the umpires who made it possible to play each week. Roll on October.